BBC Launches 347th Inquiry Into Jimmy Saville. How’s About That Then?
Just in the past week, the BBC has commissioned 26 new documentaries about Jimmy Saville, Channel 5 has put out a general appeal for independent production companies prepared to investigate the scandal. Channel 4 is dedicating a month of Jon Snow’s time to this vital work and Rupert has instructed Sky to prepare a special nightly news bulletin, combined with Premier League stars in dedicated condemnation of the disc jockey from hell.
The Home Affairs committee, the Culture, Media and Sport committee, the Health Services committee, the Justice committee and the Cabinet Office are launching their own inquiries next week and the Speaker is also considering a five year long investigation headed up by the Right Honourable Dame Sally Bercow, newly appointed head of the Scumbag Saville charity, patron HM The Queen.
Esther Rantzen is facing 25 years in jail for failing to report her suspicions. Mother Theresa is accused of complicity because she once said Saville had done good work and Peter Hitchens, Mail on Sunday columnist, has been sent to the Tower for life for his preposterous suggestion that we may be focusing too much attention on Jimmy Saville and his legacy.
A life size dummy of Jimmy Saville is to be hung, drawn and quartered at Marble Arch, historical site of the Tyburn executions – David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband will be in attendance . In Paris, the guillotine is to be rolled out for another Saville-faced crash test dummy to face its doom. In the US, simultaneous executions by electric chair, gas chamber, firing squad and lethal injection are to be performed on Saville dummies.
The High Court has ordered that everyone who ever watched an episode of Jim’ll Fix It should receive 25 years counselling at the BBC’s expense and Lord Justice Leveson is to head up a new inquiry into whether the media has expressed sufficient condemnation of Mr Saville’s actions.
Meanwhile, criminal prosecutions are to be brought against every member of the Leeds social services department and their heirs and successors for the next fifteen generations.
In a speech tonight, Harriet Harman, Labour party guru, said “We are not doing enough to condemn the allegations against this man… Sorry, I mean this man and his allegations which are now pronounced as fact by all right thinking people with no right of reply. Dead? Is he? Already? What a shame we were about to call for chemical castration for all BBC staff”